Blah (#886)

It’s 3:30am and I can’t get back to sleep after a bathroom break…I turned on the radio (Sirius XM 80s on 8)

I’m feeling kinda blah…There are a few reasons: the first is on the outs with mom and she won’t return my calls, texts or emails_she wants me to be independent or imagine a time when they’re not around and I think I just hit the wall—I don’t need them as much as I used to???

I said some nasty things to mom and of course she’s still mad 😡 I’ve reacted like this before but she usually lets me apologize and we go on—not this time. A total shut down…

And then there is the Pete Butiggeg story—his SWATTING incident—when they did it to me I was angry and at the time confused—not anymore—someone was just being mean and though mine only affected me I’m sad for Pete because it was more personal—it tracked with his 4 year old twins and at some point he wasn’t able to be in the same room as them for an extended period of time—that’s freak out time.

At least he wrote about it in such a way that anyone could understand what he was feeling…

I want to have a good relationship with my mom. Saying the things I said to her wasn’t right—I know that…Now she has to let me apologize and get over it—but in the end—why should I care what she thinks? She’s my mom and I’d like to think that we get along—but it’s becoming apparent that there are thing we’re just not going to agree on…

I can get this all out during the Telehealth with Roxana at 10am 🕙